The Year of Living Courageously (and of cocktails)

I am currently holed up in my flat, hugging the radiator with only Come Dine with Me for company. The snow is still falling in London and I am trying to force myself to go to the party I am due at tonight despite the overwhelming temptation to stay home and drink hot chocolate.

When I resigned yesterday I joked that 2010 was going to be the year of living courageously and the more I think about that idea the more I like it.

I certainly felt that last year I was too nervous to pursue several of the things I wanted to do. I hate to fly, so I barely travelled and turned down several holiday invitations. I was terrified of being out of work, so I stayed in a job I disliked and pretended that I could be content spending all day doing something that didn't stimulate me. And finally I didn't believe I had the discipline, self-control or talent to make it as food journalist (which is what I truly want to do) so I buried my head in the sand and did nothing to make it happen.

Well, within the first two weeks of the year I have quit my job, started writing daily and am about to approach editors in a bid to have my work published.

Just writing this down is terrifying because the fear of failure so often stops me from vocalising the changes I really want to make. Surely it is better to keep it to myself to prevent the embarrassment and disappointment if it doesn't happen.

But in the spirit of living courageously I have decided to push these concerns aside and be honest about what I am trying to achieve. It might be embarrassing if it doesn't happen but it will also push me to pursue these things with even more vigour. And anyway if the pressure does get too much I'll always have cocktails.