Surviving (and the kindness of others)

In the interest of full disclosure I wanted to share with you how I am surviving living in London on a salary of £0 and with rent of over 600 times that.

The simple answer is thanks to the insane generosity of my amazing friends, but not in the way you might think. I haven't, as yet, been given any cash money handouts although my best friend did pay for my recent trip to Edinburgh so her new born daughter could meet her skint, jobless, mainly drunk godmother for the first time - for which I am eternally grateful.

No, this generosity comes in the form of "eyes peeled, ears to the ground".

I have emails from people almost every day, some close friends and others not so much, offering to help me. They offer contacts at magazines or part time work they know of or suggestions of what to with myself (always useful). They also gush endlessly about how wonderful I am (all lies) when I randomly put them down as references for one of my many applications.

I receive all this help with such a feeling of gratitude that these people are my friends.

Add to this the kind act of my beloved Katy who has left me with the keys to her luxury pad in Central London so I can check the house is still standing, make sure the place looks alive and where I can also go to write every day, y'know like I have a real "job" to go to and ensuring I do actually leave the house every day.

As such I find myself with bits and pieces of part time work coming up which I think is just about going to see me through March-April AND I am writing a great deal more than I thought I would, because I have some structure to my day.

I do get very scared and spend a great deal of my time worrying about money, as evidenced by my horribly chewed at nails (one resolution that was not stuck to). But I cannot tell you how liberating it feels to plan your own day, to work only for yourself and to only have yourself to blame for your failures and, conversely, only yourself to thank for your success.

So far, so good.

Update

My last weeks at work were filled with paperwork and flowers and lunch at my desk and amazing presents.

There were tears and boozing and sad farewells. Most amazing of all were the Liberty vouchers that, as you can see at the bottom, are real life coins - made by the royal mint. I just cannot wait to spend them.

Love

M

The Year of Living Courageously (and of cocktails)

I am currently holed up in my flat, hugging the radiator with only Come Dine with Me for company. The snow is still falling in London and I am trying to force myself to go to the party I am due at tonight despite the overwhelming temptation to stay home and drink hot chocolate.

When I resigned yesterday I joked that 2010 was going to be the year of living courageously and the more I think about that idea the more I like it.

I certainly felt that last year I was too nervous to pursue several of the things I wanted to do. I hate to fly, so I barely travelled and turned down several holiday invitations. I was terrified of being out of work, so I stayed in a job I disliked and pretended that I could be content spending all day doing something that didn't stimulate me. And finally I didn't believe I had the discipline, self-control or talent to make it as food journalist (which is what I truly want to do) so I buried my head in the sand and did nothing to make it happen.

Well, within the first two weeks of the year I have quit my job, started writing daily and am about to approach editors in a bid to have my work published.

Just writing this down is terrifying because the fear of failure so often stops me from vocalising the changes I really want to make. Surely it is better to keep it to myself to prevent the embarrassment and disappointment if it doesn't happen.

But in the spirit of living courageously I have decided to push these concerns aside and be honest about what I am trying to achieve. It might be embarrassing if it doesn't happen but it will also push me to pursue these things with even more vigour. And anyway if the pressure does get too much I'll always have cocktails.

In at the deep end

This morning I did something completely and utterly insane. After 2 1/2 years in a job I have always felt unsatisfied in I finally resigned.

The reason this is quite so irresponsible is that every single morning the papers, radio, postman, bus driver and every other person in London reminds me that we are in a worldwide recession, people are losing their jobs all over the place and this is no time to talk yourself out of one.

I am aware of all these things, and feel hugely for those that have been made redundant from jobs they loved or needed. But I have scrimped and saved so that I can make this plunge and push myself to find a job I love. It will be scary and I will absolutely have moments of regretting what I've done but right now I feel brave and exhilarated and deliriously happy.

Wish me luck - I haven't got a bloody clue what the future holds!