About Last Night

I return to the internet

2010-06-08T04:46:00.001-07:00

The reason for my sudden departure was twofold. Firstly, and most importantly, I felt I didn't really have anything interesting to say - and I'm still not sure that I do.

I truly love other people's blogs, reading your stories and musings and peeping in to the day to day lives of people I admire and respect. But for a long time now, due to a mixture of circumstances, I have felt I really don't have much to contribute and therefore should remain silent.

The other reason is a little more exciting; nowadays I actually work, full time for a magazine. And not just a little tiny local magazine (which would be perfectly respectable) but a big, significant, weekly magazine which outsells most others and which is giving me the most amazing start in this industry and is keeping my very, very busy.

As much as this has stopped me writing (am I allowed to? what can I say without breaking confidentiality?) it has also given me back my passion for blogging. I have such a fierce interest this industry and I now have the perfect viewpoint from which to observe.

For now, I will leave you with a visual representation of what I have been enjoying over the last few months - this blog has always been on my mind...just waiting for me to get my voice back.

Emmanuelle Beart was the first woman I ever loved, and she will forever hold a place in my heart. I always think its ridiculous when celebs say they are channeling other people in the way they dress and style themselves - but I do envy (and make failed attempts to imitate) her graceful and extremely seductive mannerisms.

Lost, and its much anticipated final, kept me and my equally addicted flatmates on the edge of our seats. It was a disappointing end - but really they could never answer all the questions they posed. I did feel a bit cheated as a watcher, but I will always remain a lover of Lost.

Since watching American - The Bill Hicks Story, I cannot stop singing the praises of this most amazing man. Please do watch the film, it is so inspiring and (if you're anything like me) will drive you to seek out as much footage of his standup as you can find.

Re-visiting recipes

2010-05-06T06:05:00.000-07:00

The chaotic nature of my new working life means I have had little time to cook of late, something that has been causing me much sadness. That being said I have tried a couple of the dishes from the new Ottolenghi book (the Guardian recently gave out a free booklet with several of the recipes in) and they were both utterly divine. I made the stuffed onions for my friend Deb, on an evening which culminated in us drinking 4 bottles of wine and spending an embarassing amount of time on chat roulette. This weekend I made the ratatouille for another friend which we devoured in minutes, something I always find a little tragic when a meal has been fussed over for hours. If only there were a way to moderate our greediness, but alas this dish was too good not to wolf down.

I have a list of about 30 new dishes to try, and I am also going to revisit some old favourites...a selection of which I've linked to below in case you too are feeling the need for some kitchen love!

Fusili pasta with lemon, cream and rocket
Sausages with chorzo and lentils
Chicken, cream and tarragon pie
Spaghetti with sweet onion, tomato and pancetta

Changes

2010-05-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

The last four months have been really difficult. Everything around me has changed entirely, in part due to my own choices and in part due to those of other people.

Day to day life is far more interesting and exciting than it was; in the last 3 months I have worked as a childminder for several families, a courier service for a friend, a runner on a new food advert and a writer at Closer.

But it is very tough having no regular income and it means I have had to turn down countless invitations to weddings, nights out, hen do's and parties. Moreover I have no idea how I will be paying my rent for the next month and the months after that...maybe something will come up (in between the work experience I am currently doing) but may it won't. I can't deny I spend the majority of my time fretting about it.

If I am truly honest I have found adjusting to life without the boy very difficult. Our relationship ended in such a way that there is no going back and, just as sadly, there are several people who have fallen away from my life. I am lucky that I am still surrounded by amazing people yet with the loss of his companionship, the dissapearance of some of our mutual friends and my dearest L moving to Edinburgh last year I have been feeling lonely. It is hard to write that word, it feels very shameful especially when I consider what a busy social life I have...but the truth is it is a different kind of life now...one where I always have to go it alone. Sometimes that can feel very isolating.

Of course you can look at the situation from the other angle and realise how empowering it can be to go it alone, to have no one demanding your time and attention and to be able to do exactly as you choose all the time. I craved that feeling when I was in a relationship...and yet now I can't remember quite why.

The biggest sadness of all has come just recently as my parents have finally decided to sell the family home we have occupied since I was 6 years old. The home I grew up in and the home that the boy and I spent countless weeks in surrounded by my family and our friends. I can't ever explain how much this house means to me and the heartbreak I feel knowing that I won't be returning there for weekends filled with happiness over the summer as the house is no longer ours from the end of May. I always dreamed of marrying the love of my life in the lush, hilly garden of that house.

Soon the house will be gone and, I am painfully aware that dream has gone with it.

Leftovers for lunch

2010-04-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

I am trying my best to be far more strict when it comes to using up the food in my fridge, rather than being lured into supermarkets to splash out on fresh goods.

Being a creature of habit, I always have the same sorry items left at the bottom of the fridge and hidden at the back of the cupboard so, on a rainy day last week, I found myself trying to do something imaginative with 5 tomatoes, an onion, 3 carrots and several tins of beans!

Unlikely as it sounds I did manage it, and knocked up what I am calling "3 bean stew" in just under an hour. This dish owes its success to good stock, lots of spices, red wine and some very fresh bay leaves. I froze the majority of it and it made a great accompaniment to meat and fish dishes on lazy days when I just wanted to heat something up rather than cook from scratch. This dish is also amazingly cheap, I imagine that if I had gone and bought the ingredients it would have cost under £4.

3 bean stew (to be eaten piping hot with lots of sour cream or to accompany a more substantial meal)

5 large tomatoes (although you could definitely use more, ideally 7)

1 onion

2 carrots

1 tin kidney beans

1 tin berlotti beans

1 tin white means

Vegetable stock (500 ml)

Garlic

Tomato puree (if desired)

Splash of red wine

2 bay leaves

Mild chilli powder

Mixed herbs

Thinly slice the onion and crush the garlic

Fry in plenty of olive oil until onion is soft

Add tomatoes, quartered and carrots, peeled and sliced

Continue to fry over gentle heat until the tomatoes are softening

Pour over stock

Add bay leaves, chilli powder (1 tsp) and herbs

Place on lid and leave until tomatoes are soft and stock is reducing, about 25 minutes

Add tomato puree if required and splash of red wine

Drain beans and add them, try not to stir often as it will break the beans

Return lid to pot and leave for further ten minutes

The stew should be thick and dense with the beans, season and devour.

Surviving (and the kindness of others)

2010-03-03T02:38:00.000-08:00

In the interest of full disclosure I wanted to share with you how I am surviving living in London on a salary of £0 and with rent of over 600 times that.

The simple answer is thanks to the insane generosity of my amazing friends, but not in the way you might think. I haven't, as yet, been given any cash money handouts although my best friend did pay for my recent trip to Edinburgh so her new born daughter could meet her skint, jobless, mainly drunk godmother for the first time - for which I am eternally grateful.

No, this generosity comes in the form of "eyes peeled, ears to the ground".

I have emails from people almost every day, some close friends and others not so much, offering to help me. They offer contacts at magazines or part time work they know of or suggestions of what to with myself (always useful). They also gush endlessly about how wonderful I am (all lies) when I randomly put them down as references for one of my many applications.

I receive all this help with such a feeling of gratitude that these people are my friends.

Add to this the kind act of my beloved Katy who has left me with the keys to her luxury pad in Central London so I can check the house is still standing, make sure the place looks alive and where I can also go to write every day, y'know like I have a real "job" to go to and ensuring I do actually leave the house every day.

As such I find myself with bits and pieces of part time work coming up which I think is just about going to see me through March-April AND I am writing a great deal more than I thought I would, because I have some structure to my day.

I do get very scared and spend a great deal of my time worrying about money, as evidenced by my horribly chewed at nails (one resolution that was not stuck to). But I cannot tell you how liberating it feels to plan your own day, to work only for yourself and to only have yourself to blame for your failures and, conversely, only yourself to thank for your success.

So far, so good.

GAGA

2010-02-26T03:30:00.000-08:00

A short post today as I am whizzing off to spend the next 6 hours listening to Lady Gaga albums, preparing customised t-shirts, crimping my hair and then hotfooting it to the 02 for what I can only imagine is going to be a truly amazing night of entertainment

Say what you will about Gaga, she knows how to put on a show. I CANNOT WAIT.

Drowned rat

2010-02-25T13:29:00.000-08:00

The weather in London has been absolutely horrendous for the last two weeks. Icy cold, heavy downpours and occasional showers of snow have meant leaving the house, now that I don't have a job to go to, seems distinctly unappealing.

Tonight I had to jump through numerous puddles to reach my dinner location and still now, twenty minutes after getting home, my feet are like icicles.

In other news I have discovered chat roulette. I think this is possibly the most fascinating website, how did no one think of it before? If anyone hasn't heard of it, it is essentially a website where you are partnered up with another random stranger from the internet. You both see each other through your webcams and then can chat via messenger or your computers microphone. Obviously, being the WWW, there is a high risk you will be partnered with a man (or woman) keen to chat you up/show off their genitals - but then that's why it's called roulette...it's all part of the fun!

Back to reality

2010-02-24T05:28:00.000-08:00

I took a short break from blogging over the last fortnight in some part due to my attendance of a short course at the London College of Journalism.

The 3 day "Introduction to Journalism" course was run by a charismatic and hugely experienced news and features writer called Tony Padman. He was a fantastic teacher, striking the all important balance between being positive and encouraging while not holding back on giving honest and constructive feedback on our work.

I met some fascinating people on the course from a young Nigerian journalist who works for This Day to a charming middle aged solicitor who is planning to write features in his free time.

Best of all Tony managed to introduce us to the basics of news and features journalism, help us sharpen our writing style and gave us a real sense of what life is like as a features journalist.

I spent last weekend in the Cotswolds, for those outside the UK this is a particularly beautiful expanse of the British countryside around Gloucestershire and Oxfordshire famed for its quaint villages and sweeping landscapes. Surrounded by three of my favourite children in the world I enjoyed horse riding (watching, NOT doing), a glorious massage at Daylesford and, best of all, more Roald Dahl stories than I knew existed.

Much more to come this week so watch this space...

French Connection: The Woman

2010-02-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

This is, in my opinion, the best fashion campaign of recent months if not years.

Formerly known for slogan covered t-shirts and a (not especially) risque campaign which played on it's acronym FCUK, French Connection has recently launched their new advertising campaign in the UK.

You may have noticed the print adverts as well as out of home posters on billboards, buses and tubes with beautifully styled pictures of either a bearded man or a sultry woman declaring "This is the man" and "This is the woman".

The curious, myself included, flock to the website and can select from six 30 seconds films exploring the nature of the woman and that of the man. The films are simple, sexy, wry and at points hilarious sly amusing. Best of all they represent what is clearly a change in direction for French Connection, there is even a reference to how a man would never wear a slogan adorned item. Take a look at the film below and the rest here to see just how good they are.

Ramblings

2010-02-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning and I am carefully inspecting a number of bruises of varying size across my lower legs thanks to last nights stupidly drunken antics. How and why they came about is anybody's guess, all I know is it hurts a great deal to bend my left knee!

So on this hungover valentine Sunday I have gathered a few of my favourite images which I've picked up from various blogs and websites recently.

Also, as it would be sad not to give a little nod to those celebrating the day, the poetic words of Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart (made famous by Chet Baker and Frank Sinatra)

My funny Valentine 

Sweet comic Valentine 

You make me smile with my heart 

Your looks are laughable 

Unphotographable 

Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek 

Is your mouth a little weak 

When you open it to speak 

Are you smart?

But don't change a hair for me

Not if you care for me 

Stay little Valentine stay 

Each day is Valentine's day

By Little Doodles
By Ryan Jacob Smith

Found at Le Love
Image by Paul Michael Dellostritto (found via Ink on my Fingers)

Four legged friends

2010-02-13T07:51:00.001-08:00

This week has been all the more joyful thanks to having the chance to spend time with two lovely dogs. One visited our London flat for a few brief but very happy hours, the other was the family pet of my good friend El whose country home we descended on for a couple of days this week.

The V&A

2010-02-12T04:37:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday I spent the afternoon at the Victoria and Albert museum in South Kensington.

I love this place so much, not least because the building itself is utterly beautiful and you can't turn your head without stumbling on some charming detail. From the cafe which is housed in the most amazing room with stained glass windows and rich decor, to the entry hall which is lit with an enormous glass chandelier...every corner of this building is considered.

Dad and I went to the decode digital design exhibition which is hugely interactive, in fact you can see him second row down two in from the right of the screen in the bottom picture.

I also spent hours on the top floor taking in the exhibition of ceramics which is far more interesting than it sounds! Best of all is a film of the potter Lucy Rie who was interviewed by David Attenborough. She is the most amazing woman, Austrian born she worked from her studio in London to make her much sought after pottery. The V&A have reconstructed her studio and the short film shows David Attenborough hanging onto her feet as she lowers herself into her kiln to inspect her work.

I can't mention the V&A without talking about the shop which is filled with a mix of some of the most beautifully designed products I have ever seen. At Christmas my parents bought me a beautiful silk dressing gown which they'd originally seen at the V&A and it is the most beautiful item I own. it's such a great destination for buying gifts and cards - and sort of guilt free shopping as you're taking in some culture at the same time.

Update

2010-02-11T12:58:00.000-08:00

My last weeks at work were filled with paperwork and flowers and lunch at my desk and amazing presents.

There were tears and boozing and sad farewells. Most amazing of all were the Liberty vouchers that, as you can see at the bottom, are real life coins - made by the royal mint. I just cannot wait to spend them.

Love

Love and that*

2010-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

February is, apparently, the month of love. It is with a mixture of emotions that I find myself single for the first time in 5 years and when I read the poem below by Billy Collins I feel a wonderful contentment about my current state. Isn’t it a beautiful poem? (I can't sort the formatting for some reason, sorry!)

*The title of this post is dedicated to a particularly special reader of mine, I think they'll know who they are.

Aimless Love
This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later in the day with a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.
In the shadows of an autumn evening,
I fell for a seamstress
still at her machine in the tailor’s window,
and later for a bowl of broth,
steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.
This is the best kind of love, I thought,
without recompense, without gifts,
or unkind words, without suspicion,
or silence on the telephone.
The love of the chestnut,
the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.
No lust, no slam of the door –
the love of the miniature orange tree,
the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,
the highway that cuts across Florida.
No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor –
just a twinge every now and then
for the wren who had built her nest
on a low branch overhanging the water
and for the dead mouse,
still dressed in its light brown suit.
But my heart is always propped up
in a field on its tripod,
ready for the next arrow.
After I carried the mouse by the tail
to a pile of leaves in the woods,
I found myself standing at the bathroom sink
gazing down affectionately at the soap,
so patient and soluble,
so at home in its pale green soap dish.
I could feel myself falling again
as I felt its turning in my wet hands
and caught the scent of lavender and stone.

A potted history

2010-02-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

The photograph above is of my grandfather and his daughter, my mum, taken circa 1970 when my grandpa would have been 52. They are on holiday somewhere, maybe Elba or the South of France where they would go on family trips every year.

My grandpa is an endlessly fascinating man. An Oxford educated, Russian Jew whose parents fled Russia for London in the early 1900's and divorced soon after. As is traditional in Jewish families my grandpa and his brother Lenny stayed with his father, Seoul, and his sister Leia moved to France with his mother, Clara.

I sit for hours when I visit my grandpa, as I did yesterday, listening to his stories of the fascinating lives of my ancestors. The part they played in the Balfour Declaration of 1917, the persecution they endured, stories of escapes and rescues that sound too much to be true.

Doubtless the powerful nature of my Jewish lineage has had an impact on who I am (despite the fact that my granny wasn't Jewish, so according to Orthodox Jews I am not Jewish at all - see here). Take, for example, the endless references to my mothers Jewish guilt and propensity to worry about everything, lullabies replaced by odd Yiddish rhymes, a lifelong need to fight for the underdog and my very real awareness that life will not always be easy that has been present since I could think.

I make endless notes tracing his family history, and that of my beloved granny, wanting to find out everything I can about these ancestors of mine and the vastly different world they inhabited. I have never been to Russia, or Pinsk in Belarus where my grandpa's family can be traced to. I have never been to Canada, where he studied, or most of America and particularly California where my great grandfather, Seoul, moved to after his divorce.

I would love to travel to these places, and find out more about these people, and in fact one promise to myself is that this year I will try and travel to Russia and do and take an in depth look at my family tree.

My granny and grandpa were married for around 70 years. He cries every time he talks about her now, and speaks with heartbreaking adoration of granny and her family. It was, like many other relationships, hard and testing and yet a happy and loving union which produced 3 children and 7 grandchildren. They travelled all over the world, enjoyed some of the most wonderful food and, for the most part, a very good life.

I am hugely proud of my family history on both my mother and fathers side. It makes me feel oddly exotic that I am 1/8th Russian with a pinch of French thrown in. It also makes me feel a need to live up to the interesting history that has gone before me, and have a life that fascinates my great grand children a century from now. I'm just not quite sure where to begin....

New Year's Eve

2010-02-01T02:55:00.000-08:00

I never did tell you about my New Year celebrations, did I? So caught up in my pitiful bubble of sleepless nights, weeping and making complicated decisions that I forgot to mention that I did actually have a lovely time.

In January I only managed to post a few photographs of the entire Christmas break before I retired back to bed with a large blanket and an even larger gin.

Well today is 1st February folks, and it is my very own New Year's Day. Considering that the 1st of January was spent immersed in the sad chaos of a break up and the additional chaos of tidying my parents house after a massive party, I didn't really get to experience that sense of boundless optimism and enthusiastic resolve that the first day of a new year can bring.

After going on and on about the planning for the New Year party, at which I was tasked with feeding 22 people, I finally settled on a menu that was filled with amazing locally produced food (Ramsay would be proud!) and would cause me minimum stress.

That menu went as follows:

Fresh smoked salmon, produced at the Exe Valley Fishery

Sausages with chorizo and lentil served with mashed potato and roasted parsnips (recipe can be found here)

Ice cream sundae with Langage farm ice cream, amaretti biscuits and baileys .

The starter was simple and, although smoked salmon feels like quite a basic dish, when there are this many people to feed that is very appealing. I spent a lot on the salmon and on the bread and my dear friend Katy ,who stepped in as sous chef for the night, prepared several plates of beautifully arranged bread as well as the salmon so people could help themselves. This course received heaps of praise, I think it is a rare delight to enjoy really high quality salmon and I was lucky enough that our local fishery is so fantastic (and that the fishmongers had some in stock).

The best thing about the main course was that I was able to make the dish during the day and as such I spent a leisurely afternoon copping onions, chorizo and garlic while chatting to my friends as they arrived at the house. By 4pm all the preparation was done and I simply put two large pots into the aga and left them for 3 hours. The added cooking time (you can put this dish in the oven or ago for just 45 minutes) meant that flavour was even more rich and intense.

The difficulty with cooking for this many people is gauging how much food to make. I underestimated the potatoes meaning there was only just enough mash to go around. Of course I'd always rather have too much than not enough but it did mean we weren't all completely stuffed at the end of the meal and immediately felt sprightly enough to jump up at midnight and dance the night away.

The dessert was a bit of a cop out, I was just too exhausted to make something more elaborate. But we covered the sundaes in sparklers and edible stars. It felt like a children's party treat which perfectly set the mood for the behaviour that followed throughout the night.

Decisions

2010-01-22T07:27:00.000-08:00

To make this very slow Friday go faster I have been mainly considering which wins in the cuteness factor between in baby manatee and a baby elephant. This one I just cannot decide.

Also realising that I have been letting my responsibilities as a blogger go, this is meant to be a food blog FFS and really I need to get cooking again, and blogging about it. So this is my promise to you readers, I will be better. But in the meantime I hope you don't mind a bit of Friday afternoon animal loving.

Animals Illustrated

2010-01-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

I am back from Edinburgh, refreshed although a little jaded today thanks to a car breakdown in the middle of the English countryside last night which resulted in three drunk girls (one of which was me) trying to jump start an estate car by pushing it up a hill.

I found these awesome animal prints through my friend Matt's blog and you can buy them at Etsy shop Berkley Illustration. Aren't they so charming? I want to buy 4 and get them put in a large frame. My mum would absolutely love them, eccentrically dressed animals are just her thing. Something else for the "I want" list which I hope to work my way through once I return to the world of gainful employment.

P.S My friend Matt also has a crush on Jason Schwartzman - just like me.

Of late

2010-01-14T13:35:00.000-08:00

Before I depart I thought I'd share some photos of the last few days in snow covered London.

To begin some beautiful flowers my kind hearted flatmates decorated my room with for my arrival home, followed by the view from my kitchen, some decadent Christmas gifts, more snow as dusk falls and finally a little glass of bubbly I rewarded myself with at the end of a very boring Monday.

Have a great few days...

Mini-break

2010-01-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

Frankly I'm getting bored of my moping and moaning, so I can only imagine how my friends are faring.

In all honesty I've barely been out over the last fortnight, preferring to hole up with a bad box set and a bottle of wine. I am attempting to tick off my list but it is ever so tempting to indulge in my melancholy and turn to my dear friend Mrs Gin (yes, that is her name) for comfort.

Tomorrow I depart for 4 days in Edinburgh to see my best friend and her new baby Elodie. She has already given me a firm talking to about my current attitude and I have no doubt she will give me another pep talk tomorrow before taking me out to paint the town red (or should that be blue considering it's currently -1 in the city).

I plan to have complete radio silence while away which means no phone, no internet and no distractions. I will be taking a lot of pictures though and listening to a lot of jazz which I have decided is to be a new hobby of mine.

Have a wonderful few days and I hope to return next week rejuvenated and on some way to returning to my old self.

Brian Ferry photography

2010-01-13T12:18:00.001-08:00

I stumbled across a blog tonight which has completely blown my mind. The blog is run by Brian Ferry, a truly incredible photographer who has just made the move from Brooklyn to London. His photographs are peaceful, elegant and evocative and give a real sense of calm even in the busiest of locations.

Take a look, and check out his professional site here - I particularly love the photos of Brian's Personal Effects which detail the bits and bobs around his home.

Sharpies

2010-01-13T03:35:00.000-08:00

In recent days I have developed a new found love and appreciation of the humble pencil. It takes me back to my school days and my attempts to perfect my sprawling handwriting (I never did achieve this).

As a result I find that writing in pencil brings a neatness and order to my notes and scribbles which is completely absent when I use a biro or pen.

I used to covet shiny silver ink pens and the perfect ballpoint but those days are over. Yesterday I spent some time (and a little money) perusing the local stationers and selecting the finest HB for my new collection. And at only 69p I think this is a passion I can afford to indulge.

Christmas diary of a very spoilt spaniel

2010-01-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

Searching for a bit of Monday night cheer I have been flicking through photos of the Christmas break. The most lovely thing in all the pictures being my gorgeous spaniel Danny.

He seemed to have a delightful Christmas holiday despite being left in the car on the 8 hour ferry trip to France (it was that or the kennels!). He soon got over the travel fatigue...

A cuddle with me certainly helped. He does like to sit on my lap and sleep, but there was too much excitement around the room for him to sleep...

He certainly liked out visit to Hotel Le Fort de l'Ocean, where he positioned himself at my feet in anticipation of leftovers coming his way...
And he didn't seem in any way phased by the hog roast, in fact he spent most of that evening in front of the fire (and the pig) getting his tummy rubbed...
Finally, on Christmas day, the tiredness caught up with him. He proceeded to sleep for 9 hours straight, before eating half the leftover turkey (when my hilariously thoughtless brother left the pantry door open) the next day. But that's what Boxing Day is for...right?

Little lists

2010-01-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

I am such a fan of lists that my dear friend Katy once presented me with this delightful little book, created by the people behind this wonderful website.

Today certainly feels like a day for a list, they always manage to calm my anxious mind and give me a sense of direction and purpose (even if that purpose is just buying groceries).

The list I scribbled while on the way home today gives an indication of my nervous state of mind. I haven't made resolutions this year for several reasons but for the next few weeks these are the things I'm working on:

Quitting smoking - I only started on New Year's day when the apocalypse that was my relationship break up began. Since then I have managed to pick up a filthy habit and unnervingly I don't seem to be able to stop. It's not helping that I have been watching endless episodes of No Angels and Teachers in which the main characters all chain smoke happily away, and I am far too impressionable for my own good.

Stop biting nails and chewing away at cuticles - Another unattractive habit that has got a bit out of control. I have Stop'n'Grow, expensive handles creams and bottles of nail strengthener at the ready but this activity (like the previous one) is a symptom of being restless and emotionally charged. Inspiration for stopping this is Barbara Streisand who has the most feminine and elegant hands in show business.

Eating fruit and vegetables - A pretty basic lifestyle choice which I have always been good at but something I have eschewed since the New Year began. I have been living on pasta, chips, cheese and a lot of gin. This must stop. I must also start eating breakfast which I have been replacing with 2 Marlboros (see 1st resolution)

Exercising - This is the scariest one of all due to being deeply unfit. Once I get into the habit of running and swimming I do enjoy doing exercise immensely but with all the other craziness going on at the moment, and my sudden lack of any recognisable routine, I have just stopped exercising altogether. I must rectify this soon for the sake of my stomach and my sanity.

Sweet, Whitecross Street, East London

2010-01-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

One of the things I will miss about my place of work is the amazing market that takes place every day down on Whitecross St.

Stalls include a sensational falafel stand where they crush the freshly cooked balls of fried chickpeas before covering them in hummus, a hog roast, a wonderful pasta stand run by a charming Italian family and, my personal favourite, the sunny olive stall which serves a huge range of delicious fresh salad.

It is a bit of a local secret frequented by the local city boys from the square mile, charity girls from up on Old St. and the media companies which now inhabit trendy East London. It doesn't attract the attention or crowds that other markets such as Borough or Colombia Rd. do, and it is all the more charming for it.

A relatively new addition is the bakery Sweet which sells an exciting array of cakes, pastries and bread. It also serves soups, sandwiches and salads and a dangerously addictive lasagna.

Do visit if you're ever near, and while you're in the area check out the magazine stall which sells very slightly out of date magazines for about £1 a pop. I stock up on Paris Vogue, Tank and Pop and it totals about £3 a time!

The Year of Living Courageously (and of cocktails)

2010-01-09T10:29:00.000-08:00

I am currently holed up in my flat, hugging the radiator with only Come Dine with Me for company. The snow is still falling in London and I am trying to force myself to go to the party I am due at tonight despite the overwhelming temptation to stay home and drink hot chocolate.

When I resigned yesterday I joked that 2010 was going to be the year of living courageously and the more I think about that idea the more I like it.

I certainly felt that last year I was too nervous to pursue several of the things I wanted to do. I hate to fly, so I barely travelled and turned down several holiday invitations. I was terrified of being out of work, so I stayed in a job I disliked and pretended that I could be content spending all day doing something that didn't stimulate me. And finally I didn't believe I had the discipline, self-control or talent to make it as food journalist (which is what I truly want to do) so I buried my head in the sand and did nothing to make it happen.

Well, within the first two weeks of the year I have quit my job, started writing daily and am about to approach editors in a bid to have my work published.

Just writing this down is terrifying because the fear of failure so often stops me from vocalising the changes I really want to make. Surely it is better to keep it to myself to prevent the embarrassment and disappointment if it doesn't happen.

But in the spirit of living courageously I have decided to push these concerns aside and be honest about what I am trying to achieve. It might be embarrassing if it doesn't happen but it will also push me to pursue these things with even more vigour. And anyway if the pressure does get too much I'll always have cocktails.

In at the deep end

2010-01-08T06:27:00.001-08:00

This morning I did something completely and utterly insane. After 2 1/2 years in a job I have always felt unsatisfied in I finally resigned.

The reason this is quite so irresponsible is that every single morning the papers, radio, postman, bus driver and every other person in London reminds me that we are in a worldwide recession, people are losing their jobs all over the place and this is no time to talk yourself out of one.

I am aware of all these things, and feel hugely for those that have been made redundant from jobs they loved or needed. But I have scrimped and saved so that I can make this plunge and push myself to find a job I love. It will be scary and I will absolutely have moments of regretting what I've done but right now I feel brave and exhilarated and deliriously happy.

Wish me luck - I haven't got a bloody clue what the future holds!

Treats

2010-01-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

While immersed in post break up gloom there are only really a couple of things which can give me a lift. Being prone to self analysis, shirking company and indulging in bad habits (daytime drinking, chain smoking, 6 hour bingeing on CSI) is not particularly conducive to making me feel better.

So it is that I can justify the purchase of a ludicrously expensive Denis Colomb cashmere and silk shawl in the Liberty sale. There was a hefty discount, but still I dropped a lot of money - which I don't have - in the hope that a scarf as soft as the ears of a bunny rabbit would make me feel bettter. And you know what? So far so good.

Fish supper

2010-01-07T04:29:00.000-08:00

While in Nantes my extended family and I squeezed into our cars and drove down to Hotel Le Fort de l'Ocean for lunch. This isn't just any hotel restaurant, rather the favourite restaurant of the surviving 3 generations of my mum's side of the family.

Set on the beautiful coastline of France, we dined on fish caught that day while watching the waves crash onto the shore beside us. I ate divine smoked salmon (my new found favourite), perfectly cooked sole meunière and the lightest souffle au citron I've ever tasted.

While there our dear family friends arrived from London to join us for the Christmas period. It was a wonderful 3 hour experience, improved all the more for the champagne and sancerre that we sipped on as we dined to celebrate our annual gathering.

Back

2010-01-07T04:03:00.000-08:00

Easing myself slowly back into blogging in 2010.
No words for today, apologies for my silence. Having a bit of a tough time at the moment but I promise to do better, and hope you had a fantastic Christmas break.

Here are some of my snaps from Paris and Nantes, more to come of some of the best food I ate in the last decade.

Recipe: Fusili pasta with lemon, cream and rocket

2009-11-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

I've had this recipe saved in one of my many folders for about a year and finally dug it out on Friday when I needed a quick go to recipe for a dinner with J. We were to be going on a date but in a bid to save money for our Christmas trips to France and Devon we decided to stay home. It also happened to be freezing cold and blustery outside, so staying in by the fire with a bottle of wine seemed like a pretty good option.

I had been concerned about cooking a dish without meat, something I find does not go down too well with the men in my life, but when my beloved declared it was the "dish of 2009" (he is a fan of the bold statement) my concerns were promptly dismissed.

This dish was an absolute delight; easy to make, cheap ingredients, very quick, had a fantastic flavour and most excitingly it felt like something you' be proud to put in front of a vegetarian friend. Good to add something to the repertoire other than oft repeated risottos, salads and veggie lasagna.

The only change I made to the recipe below was that I roasted the cherry tomatoes but I would say either cold or roasted would work, depending on your preference.

(Recipe from Food Network)

Ingredients

1 tablespoon good olive oil
1 tablespoon minced garlic (2 cloves)
2 cups heavy cream
3 lemons
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 bunch broccoli
1 pound dried fusilli pasta
1/2 pound baby rocket (or 2 bunches of common rocket, leaves cut in thirds)
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1 pint grape or cherry tomatoes, halved

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat, add the garlic, and cook for 60 seconds. Add the cream, the zest from 2 lemons, the juice of 2 lemons, 2 teaspoons of salt, and 1 teaspoon of pepper. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes, until it starts to thicken.

Meanwhile, cut the broccoli in florets and discard the stem. Cook the florets in a pot of boiling salted water for 3 to 5 minutes, until tender but still firm. Drain the broccoli and run under cold water to stop the cooking. Set aside.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, add 1 tablespoon of salt and the pasta, and cook according to the directions on the package, about 12 minutes, stirring occasionally. Drain the pasta in a colander and place it back into the pot. Immediately add the cream mixture and cook it over medium-low heat for 3 minutes, until most of the sauce has been absorbed in the pasta. Pour the hot pasta into a large bowl, add the arugula, Parmesan, tomatoes, and cooked broccoli. Cut the last lemon in half lengthwise, slice it 1/4-inch thick crosswise, and add it to the pasta. Toss well, season to taste, and serve hot.

En Francais

2009-11-29T05:31:00.000-08:00

With our travel and accommodation in Paris booked I am able to concentrate on the far more important matter of what to wear. I have been finding inspiration by watching some beautiful old movies including Belle du Jour and Une Femme Francaise.

This has led to the development of acute crushes on Emmanuelle Beart, Catherine Deneuve and my current idol Vanessa Paradis (apologies, I can't find the accent in blogger for Beart).

Aren't they incredible looking? The epitome of the elegance, grace and sense of confidence that the ladies of France are so famous for. I love the simplicity of Belle du Jours' beautifully tailored jackets and dresses and am desperately shopping my wardrobe for something similar. I have just 3 days in Paris to get my fill of gawping at the ladies in the hope that some of that subtle style will rub off on me...

Food for thought

2009-11-26T03:14:00.000-08:00

As mentioned here I will be spending the last days of December cooking for a large group of people at my parents house in deepest, darkest Devon.

Having spent considerable time discussing what exactly I am going to cook for 15 people per night (the group has grown a little since I last wrote) I have narrowed it down to a few options.

Make your own pizzas

Buy the bases, or make your own (I like to add cheese to the dough) then put out plates of meats, cheeses, vegetables and herbs for everyone to make their own pizza. This is great for getting rid of leftovers and a good way to get everyone around the table and pitching in.

Fondue

A personal favourite, I am going to make a large cheese fondue and buy a selection of fancy breads to dip into the dish. Thinking I will also have a large pot filled with hot oil to dip in thin slices of beef and then cover with spicy horseradish. Yum.

Chilli con carne

I often worry that this is too simple a dish and people get bored of being offered it at any mass gathering (or is that just me!!) Yet I do think when it is done well and enjoyed after a long walk on a cold beach it can be utterly comforting and delicious. Particularly enjoyed with good bread and excessive amounts of sour cream.

I am still deliberating over what to serve on the big night. I don't want to spend too much time in the kitchen but I want it to be very special....looks like I have a few more hours to spend poring over my favourite cookery books. Never mind!

Swapsies

2009-11-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

I am well aware that at the beginning of next year I am going to be fairly hard up. There are a number of things contributing to this, and I will likely discuss these at another time, but for now I am trying to prepare as best I can for a bit of scrimping and saving.

I am trying to go out less after work, and when I do have evenings out I am attempting to eat either before (at my desk) or after (at home) to cut costs. This means depriving myself of one of my favourite pastimes, restaurant dining, but I realise how lucky I am to have ever been able to indulge in this with any frequency. That is not to say I have stopped eating out entirely, but I am thinking twice before turning to the menu when out having drinks or planning meet ups in close proximity to favourite restaurants.

I am also trying to find the simple pleasures that bring me joy at home, so that staying in doesn't seem quite so dull. I am a telly addict with (I like to think) a preference for great films and dramas. I have been gorging on True Blood, House and Spooks of late but I won't deny the amount of entertainment X-factor and I'm a Celebrity are bringing me.

On top of that I am trying to spice up day time eating, hence the poached eggs and the scotch pancakes I made today. Treating myself to freshly baked goods at tea time and a proper breakfast goes some way to making it easier when I walk by one of my much loved dinner time haunts.

Indulgence

2009-11-24T02:41:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had a real craving for poached eggs, potato waffles and baked beans.

Saturday was a grey day and as I was making my way into town to begin some Christmas shopping I had a moment of clarity. I was not going to force my way down crowded streets in the pouring rain among thousands of irritable shoppers in central London...no I was going to go back to my bed, watch an old movie and eat a poached egg.

So I did exactly that and enjoyed the brilliant House of Games while eating perfectly poached eggs under a warm duvet. Perfect!

Mistletoe and wine

2009-11-24T02:04:00.000-08:00

London town has been dipped in glitter and sprinkled with Christmas cheer over the last fortnight and I have been loving snapping the decorations and window displays as I dash around town.

The late November weather has been cold, wet and very windy so a lot of these photos were taken in the few moments between downpours, just before I had to run back to shelter.

My mind is turning to Christmas shopping, planning for Paris and what I am going to enjoy eating while in France.

I am about to sit down to enjoy Jordan Ferneys' fantastic guide to Paris and then create my own itinerary which doubtless we will completely ignored once there in favour of hours spent in cafes and parks.

This weeks activities include a cinema date with a gaggle of girls and the world's most adored vampire (I only managed to see Twilight last Friday and now completely get the R-Patz thing having previously been fairly snooty about him), a dinner cooked for me by extended family in Wandsworth and a date with my beloved to round off the week.

On Edingburgh

2009-11-10T15:14:00.001-08:00

To my darling L.. because despite the fact you are so far away, and I am so wimpy when it comes to flying, I love that I have already fallen in love with your new home. I cannot wait to spend the next years of our life getting to know it - and your new baby - together...

I love you more than you can ever know.

More Etsy desires

2009-11-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

I adore the cards sold at Etsy shop Able and Game. I have picked four of my favourites below, and it really was hard whittling it down to that.

I just wish that the shop wasn't based all the way over in Australia. I just don't think I can justify all those air miles and a big old postage charge for a set of (incredibly) pretty prints...Can I?

French Retreat

2009-11-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

I have just 27 more working days this year before I wave goodbye* to my colleagues, kip over at my friend Katys' flat and then arise at 4.30am to jump on the Eurostar to Paris.

I spend three days in Paris with my beloved and then catch a snazzy French train down to Nantes in Western France to spend Christmas with my family. My aunt and uncle own a rambling old chateau and I will spend a week frequenting the local market, eating the freshest green beans covered in butter and sleeping as much as possible.

I have already touched on how important this Christmas is to me. Apart from my desire for a more positive Christmas, there is the added factor of my desperate need for some solitude and time to decide on my next big step. I just cannot wait to hole up in the French countryside, walk my dog in the local forest and enjoy a few days sauntering along at a much slower pace.

I have not yet booked my accommodation in Paris so if anyone has a recommendation please do share....

* or flip them the V sign, depending on my mood. Apart from you Z - I would never cuss you.

Wish list

2009-11-09T05:24:00.000-08:00

I have been coveting this framed poster on Etsy for ages. It strikes just the right tone, falling safely into the category of being charming rather than overly twee.

My mind is lingering more and more on household decor these days, both because I am planning a move in the new year and because my dearest friend is moving far, far away to set up her new home and has a far greater budget than I to decorate with.

Therefore I get to shop both for myself, with a hit list of Ikea and the local market, and also for my friend where I indulge in the great pleasure of perusing Heal's and Habitat.

From Etsy seller Bread and butter shop

A fortnight in pictures

2009-11-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

Exhausted, horribly hungover and deliberating some big decisions today.

Therefore I give you a short picture update, an apology for my recent absence and a promise to do better.

Book shelf below seen at Terence Conrad shop - I just adore it.

Other than that a sample of what I have been consuming over the last few days, including a meal at my beloved Grand Bazaar.

Recipe: Sausages with Chorizo and Lentils

2009-10-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

I made this Nigel Slater recipe this weekend. It is taken from The Kitchen Diaries, one of my all time favourite recipe books. I substituted the salami that Nigel recommends for chorizo which I know is pretty naughty, but I just love chorizo and it added such a smoky punch that I forgave myself. I made steamed asparagus with melted butter and sea salt for starter, simply because the asparagus was on offer rather than due to any natural synergy between the light, summery starter and the warming, winter main. Still, the whole thing was pretty sublime. I do hope that Mr Slater won't mind my tinkering with his wonderful recipe.
I served this with a small amount of rice, which wasn't actually needed, and buttered toast to scoop up the sauce.
P.S It is my 100th blog post today, which I couldn't let pass without mention. I am greatly enjoying sharing this little journal with you. I hope you are too.

Prep time:
20 mins

Cook time:
45 mins

2 onions
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic
200g salami, in one piece (I USED CHORIZO)
350 g Sausages
500g crushed tomatoes, or tomato passata
150g green or brown lentils
3 bay leaves

Method

1. Peel the onions and cut each one in half from tip to root, then cut each half into four or five pieces. Warm the oil in a heavy-based casserole, add the onions and let them cook over a moderate heat until tender.

2. Meanwhile, peel the garlic, slice it thinly and add it to the onions. You'll need to stir them regularly.

3. Peel the thin skin from the salami and cut the inside into fat matchsticks. Add this to the softening onions and leave for a couple of minutes, during which time the salami will darken slightly.

4. Start cooking the sausages in a non-stick pan. You want them to colour on the outside; they will do most of their cooking once they are in the sauce.

5. Tip the crushed tomatoes into the onions, add the washed lentils and stir in 500ml water. Bring to the boil. Remove the sausages from their pan and tuck them into the casserole with the bay leaves.

6. Cover the pot with a lid and leave to simmer gently for about half an hour, until the lentils are tender. Stir the lentils and season with black pepper. You may find it needs little or no salt.

Meals for the masses

2009-10-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

To celebrate this New Year's Eve, some friends and I will be descending on my parents home in Devon to enjoy some country air and some good food.

My parents are going to be away, so I will be mistress of the house and responsible for a group of about 12 people for several days. On New Year's Eve there will be a few more of us, and I want to feed them a great meal before the celebrations get going.

I really need ideas for feeding a group this size. From the 12 people around the table in the run up to the New Year, to the 20 who will be there on the big night.

Anyone have any ideas for filling this many hungry mouths? All I have so far is sausage and mash (yawn) and a delicious chorizo, sausage and lentil stew which I cooked on Saturday and I think could definitely be done on mass.

I'd love to hear your go to dishes for feeding a hungry crowd...

A-List

2009-10-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

On a lighter but still Christmas related note, I have begun compiling a list of gifts for myself. The gathering of just some of the items I am coveting in a serious way. These are not fleeting desires but rather the pieces I have spent the year trying to justify buying, but haven't quite been able to.

Maybe it's a little indulgent to put a big old list of things I want but don't really need (other than the puppy of course) however I think the reality is that those who can do like to give and receive. I already have my Christmas gift buying trips sorted - one in London, the other in Paris - and I really do love finding the perfect things for my friends and family. I think this is a time to go for quality over quantity, invest in key pieces which will last a long time and to shower those you love with items they will always hold dear.

Derek Rose Woburn Silk pyjamas

Diptyque candle (multiple)

heal's Cashmere Cable knit throw

Lemon tree

Michael kors perfume

Pasta cutting machine

Pinhole drawing on vintage photograph from Etsy seller Restless Things

Malti-poo puppy (yes, I know that creating an uber cute designer dog by crossing two different breeds is considered ethically dubious, but in this instance I have to ignore this in favour of this utterly gorgeous creature which seems perfectly happy to me - cue the angry comments)
Holga camera (and a polaroid too please, now that it's back)

May we all be together next year

2009-10-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am a strong believer that Christmas is a time to gather with family and friends to take stock of the year gone by, and the one ahead.

A time for amazing meals gathered around an enormous table where everyone has to loosen belts and undo buttons to make room for the excess of food. With lots of good wine and fantastic cheese and no holding back. Where families and friends can debate and laugh and unwind together, often gathering all in one place for the first time in a year.

I am well aware how truly lucky I am that I enjoy a Christmas like this. A celebration without family feuds, toasting good health and happiness - I count my lucky stars every day. Last year was not like this; my darling, wonderful Granny had died less than a fortnight before.

We gathered in grief and sorrow, not that my family would every really call it this. There was no funeral, or memorial, at my grandpa's insistence. Instead my mother, auntie, uncle along with their partners and children (myself included) stood in a sad looking crematorium on a bleak day in Newton Abbot, cried a few awkward tears, sung a strange sounding children's nursery song that had been a favourite of hers and left.

Our grandparents (we only ever knew our maternal granny and granpda, my dad's parents died before I was born) typically didn't join us for Christmas, preferring their own company and the home comforts of their little cottage in Sussex. So last Christmas was no different, in theory.

We laughed and ate and drunk too much - like any other year - but there was a deep, lingering feeling that this was not how it should be.

Throughout her life, whenever my granny was asked to make a wish she would always quietly say "may we all be together, safe and sound, next year", and this time we were not. We went through the motions but there were no gifts, no Christmas tree and every time we lifted our glasses to toast one another we only thought of her.

This is the first time I have written about her, and it won't be the last. Having had no funeral I never got to talk about how incredible she was to anyone but my friends. It just isn't really the done thing with my family, we prefer to quip and argue and tease and outwit each other- and I like it that way.

Needless to say this Christmas will, I hope, be different to the last. Gathering all together for the first time this year we will indulge and celebrate and toast each other...and crack open the most expensive and delicious bottle of bubbly of all in celebration of my darling, darling granny Katy.

Simple pleasures

2009-10-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

Treating myself to indulgent alternatives to tea and coffee makes the dark nights so much easier to bear.

Sadly I have been hit with the worst bout of toothache and until I can get to a dentist I won't be able to enjoy my warming treats.

Until then, it's nurofen and a lot of whining for me!

Recipe: Chicken surprise

2009-10-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

T0 start, an admission.

There is no surprise in chicken surprise.

It is just an affectionate name that it has been given over the last 5 years in which it has become a staple meal. My boy, or friends, will say to me "Can we have chicken surprise", generally knowing I'd rather cook chicken than other meat and that I can throw something together with the contents of the fridge/cupboard for a last minute gathering. This dish is one which requires very few ingredients, and ones I normally have in the house or within 2 minutes of it (i.e.at the corner shop). Hence, when they request chicken surprise they now know this is what they will get. They ask for it a lot, so I can only assume it is good.

That is not to say you cannot include your own surprise, maybe a favourite spice or spirit to give it an extra kick...I'll just give you the basic recipe and you can add your own twist if desired!

Ingredients (serves 2)

2 chicken breasts

4 shallots

200 ml single cream

1 lemon

French mustard

Bunch of tarragon

White wine

Thinly dice shallots

Fry shallots in frying pan with layer of olive oil

Once shallots are browning add chicken, sliced into thick strips

Fry chicken until cooked through (about 20-25 minutes)

Add half the cream and chopped tarragon, to taste.

Add splash of white wine, squeeze of lemon and tsp of mustard.

Continue cooking and stirring and add cream as desired.

As a guide, there should be enough sauce for a couple of large serving spoons worth on top of each portion.

Serve, with roasted potatoes and butternut squash (well, that's what we do!)

Enjoy, with the remainder of the wine.

Recipe: Chicken, cream and tarragon pie

2009-10-18T06:57:00.000-07:00

Chicken and Tarragon pie

Recipe by Joanna Weinberg in the Times

Pictures and comments by me

This was my first ever pie and I was really happy with it. I served it with roast potatoes and cavolo nero. I am aware there has been a lot of chicken recipes of late, I will get some slightly more adventurous recipes up soon.

This is a good one though, and making your own pastry is fun (although I did have a very large tantrum when I thought the pastry was too moist and wouldn't roll, my beloved had to take a lot of abuse for advising me against overflouring!)

Ingredients

Serves 4

For the filling:
6 mixed chicken portions or 1 chicken, jointed
2 bay leaves
1 onion, quartered
1 onion, finely chopped
4 sprigs fresh tarragon
4 tablespoons roughly chopped fresh tarragon
1 leek, sliced into fine discs, woody head reserved a few whole peppercorns
500ml fresh chicken stock
500ml milk
200ml double cream
2oz butter
2oz flour
a capful of dry Vermouth
sea salt and pepper For the crust:
240 g white flour, preferably Italian 00,
170g cold butter
pinch of salt
iced water with a squeeze of lemon
1 egg, beaten, to glaze

Method

Make the pastry by grating the cold butter into a bowl with the flour and salt. Rub through your fingers to combine. Add the iced water and lemon juice tablespoon by tablespoon until it comes together. Knead with floured hands and divide into two balls, one twice the size of the other. Wrap both in clingfilm and leave in fridge for half an hour.

Some people say there is no need to make your own pastry as shop bought stuff it so good now, and I did buy some ready made just in case. I wanted to try making my own though and it turned out great although I did have to use a LOT of flour to roll it and to stop it sticking to the surface as I rolled it.

Preheat the oven to 200C/Gas 6. In a large saucepan, simmer the milk with the bay leaves, sprigs of tarragon, quartered onion, leek top and peppercorns for 15 min, then add the chicken and poach gently for 20-25 min. Set the chicken aside to cool, reserve the liquid, and discard the rest of the solids.

Bring the chicken stock to the boil, add the chopped onion and leek discs for a minute and then remove to the pie dish with a slotted spoon, reserving the liquid in the pan and boiling to reduce by half.

When the chicken is cool, remove skin and bones, and shred into bite-sized chunks with a fork, adding them to the pie dish. In a separate saucepan, make a roux with the butter and flour, using 100ml of the reduced stock and the poaching milk until it has the consistency of double cream. Combine in the dish with the chicken, onion, leeks and two thirds of the chopped tarragon, and season. Set aside to cool.

Roll out both pastry balls into discs 5mm thick. Line the pie dish with the large disc, brushing the edges with the beaten egg. Fill with the chicken mixture. Cover the pie with the remaining pastry, sealing the join with the tines of a fork dipped in cold water. Cut a cross in the centre to release steam, using a blackbird to hold up the pastry if the dish is deep. Glaze with the beaten egg and bake for 15 min before turning the oven down to 180C/Gas 4 and baking for another hour.

I also added a splash of white wine and some cream in the sauce here too. I think a bit of mustard would have been good also, and maybe some peas.

For extra gravy: Just before you eat, reheat the remaining reduced stock, adding the Vermouth, and boil off the alcohol. Reduce to a simmer, stirring in the cream and the rest of the chopped tarragon. Season well and decant to a jug.

I didn't use vermouth and added wine to the extra gravy instead.

Catch up

2009-10-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

I failed in my daily updates. I do have an excuse but it is a rubbish one so I won't bore you.

Here are some photos from the last few weeks to make up for it.

October has been a beautiful month in London. Bright, sunny, cold and crisp days which are my favourite kind. Lots of cooking (I made my first pie last night), gorgeous meals out and seeing friends. Being completley broke has meant I have travelled far and wide to see friends who are generously cooking for me, and I'm very grateful for their kindness and culinary skills.

I also offer you a recommendation, a little bit of an insight into my mind which is sort of what I promised. This is my favourite blog in the world. It puts mine to shame, so I expect to never see you again - and I understand. She is, without doubt, one of the funniest writers out around and I was so thrilled when she featured my friend Max as one of her cute boys last year. He got an overwhelming reaction -and believe it or not it wasn't me over and over!

My favourite things: Rushmore

2009-10-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

Rushmore is one of my favourite films.

Surreal, sharp, hilariously funny, tragic at times; it has everything I adore in a movie. Lots of the people I love don't like this film that much, which I normally find a big disappointment. But in this instance I don't mind because my brother finds it just as charming and clever as I do.

I like that we are united in our adoration of this film - it's like being a kid again and being in on a joke that no one else quite gets.

"Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch."

This is no great piece of writing, but it sums up the glory of this film in 3 awesome sentences.

Words are all well and good

2009-10-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

But then you go through your picture library and see these...

Maybe it's just me, but in this instance I'll say pictures do just a good job. Just for once.

My favourite things: Wedding Readings

2009-10-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have no plans to marry but regardless of that even my cold heart cannot ignore the timeless beauty of these readings I have collected over the years.

Our union is like this: You feel cold, so I reach for a blanket to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body, so I run to my garden and start digging potatoes.
You asked for a few words of comfort and guidance, and I quickly kneel by your side offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night so much you weep, and I say here is a rope, tie it around me, I will be your companion for life.

I must credit the amazing Joanna for this amazing find. Our Union by Hafiz.

I also adore the simplicity of this reading - The Orange by Wendy Cope

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange

The size of it made us all laugh.

I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—

They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,

As ordinary things often do

Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park

This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.

I did all my jobs on my list

And enjoyed them and had some time over.

I love you. I’m glad I exist.

Another wonderful one :

The young couple first married on August 5, 1744, when Joseph was eight and Sarah six, and first ended their marriage six days later when Joseph refused to believe, to Sarah's frustration, that the stars were silver nails in the sky, pinning up the black nightscape. They remarried four days later, when Joseph left a note under the door of Sarah's parents' house: I have considered everything you told me, and I do believe that the stars are silver nails.

They ended their marriage again a year later, when Joseph was nine and Sarah seven, over a quarrel about the nature of the bottom of the river bed. A week later, they were remarried, including this time in their vows that they should love each other until death, regardless of the existence of the riverbed, the temperature of the river bed's bottom (should it exist), and the possible existence of starfish on the possibly existing riverbed.

They ended their marriage one hundred and twenty times throughout their lives and each time remarried with a longer list of vows. They were sixty and fifty-eight at their last marriage, only three weeks before Sarah died of heart failure and Joseph drowned himself in the bath. Their marriage contract still hangs over the door of the house they on-and-off shared-nailed to the top post and brushing against the welcome mat:

"It is with everlasting devotion that we, Joseph and Sarah L, reunite in the indestructible union of matrimony, promising love until death, with the understanding that the stars are silver nails in the sky, regardless of the existence of the bottom of the river, the temperature of this bottom (should it exist) and the possible existence ofstarfish on the possibly existing riverbed, overlooking what may or may not have been accidental grape juice spills, agreeing to forget that Joseph played sticks and balls with his friends when he promised he would help Sarah thread the needle for the quilt she was sewing, and that Sarah was supposed to give the quilt to Joseph, not his buddy, ignoring the simple fact that Joseph snores like a pig, and that Sarah is no great treat to sleep with either, letting slide certain tendencies of both parties to look too long at members of the opposite sex, not making a fuss over why Joseph is such a slob, leaving his clothes wherever he feels like taking them off, expecting Sarah to pick them up, clean them, and put them in their proper place as he should have, or why Sarah has to be such a pain about the smallest things, such as which way the toilet paper unrolls, or when dinner is five minutes later than she was planning, because, let's face it, it's Joseph who's putting that paper on the roll and dinner on the table, disregarding whether the beet is a better vegetable than the cabbage, putting aside the problems of being fat-headed and chronically unreasonable, trying to erase the memory of a long since expired rose bush that a certain someone was supposed to remember to water when his wife was visiting family, accepting the compromise of the way we have been, the way we are, and the way we will likely be. May we live together in unwavering love and good health. Amen."
from Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

And the one I love more than any other. The one I will choose for my wedding, if ever there is one - and was, without a doubt, written for me and my beloved.

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

My favourite things: The Little Prince

2009-10-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Last night my boyfriend made the very perceptive comment that because I don't update this blog every day he falls out of the habit of reading it.

As an avid blog reader myself I do tend to follow the same reading pattern as him, namely if content isn't refreshed regularly then a blog will lose my interest.

With a full time office job and due to often being out in the evening, I do end up doing a lot of my blogging at the weekend which just isn't sensible in this world of daily (if not hourly) updating and ever changing content.

So this week I am challenging myself to update every day (from Tuesday). I won't be able to post pictures everyday and may not have time for a lot of writing so I thought in amongst my own writing I would share some of my favourite words in the world with you.

Words, and the power they have to evoke reaction and opinion and emotional responses, have always fascinated me. As much as I love photos and art and design, words will always be my first and greatest love.

To kick things off I have included my favourite section from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "The Little Prince". Appallingly I have no words for how it makes me feel. Really, nothing compares.

---

It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

A Monday in East London

2009-10-10T03:41:00.000-07:00

I took this photo on Monday when the rain poured down all day and the sky was white and bleak. This pub sits half way down Whitecross Street and the Barbican building rises tall behind it. It looked so cosy and appealing as I ran down the street trying to miss the enormous puddles on my way home that I almost took myself inside for a drink. But for once discipline prevailed and I skipped on home to the warm and dry.

Good Morning

2009-10-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

At this moment I am lying in the bed you see above. The builders began their work on the scaffolding outside my window at 8am this morning, ensuring I didn't get the much needed Saturday morning lie in I had been longing for.

This has been yet another odd week. My itchy feet are pushing me to make plans to go away and shake things up. But my love of security and fear of change (there, I said it) are keeping me from committing to anything.

All this is not helped by an almost entirely new team at work who are making me feel wizened and cynical; as if I don't really have a place there. I feel a bit like I'm being made to question why I'm staying. I know the answer, there is a huge amount of potential for change and it would be a complete waste of the last two years to leave at this point. But I know I am right when I see them wishing for an entirely new slate. It's an odd feeling to go from the person bursting with fresh ideas and grand plans to change the world to feeling like you're not being listened to and as if new and different is better than experience and insight. Surely both are good?

Must snap out of this indulgent mood for my weekend. I am going to pop down to the Cabbages and Frocks in Marylebone with Jo, have an exciting party to go to on a barge boat on the canal tonight (Can I wear high heels?) and tomorrow am going to try and watch my friend run the Royal Parks (if I can drag myself away from the only chance of a lie in this week - no building work on Sunday).

Now for coffee...and a strong word with myself.

Affirmation girl

2009-10-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

This is without a doubt one of the best videos I have seen in a long time. There are a series of these Affirmation Girl vlogs on YouTube. This is my personal favourite but they are all well worth watching. I just can't stop playing this one, she is just utterly awesome and makes my day.

Glitterati

2009-10-04T03:41:00.000-07:00

Last night my dear friend Katy invited me to join her at a party at the Hospital in Covent Garden. She also, wonderful friend that she is, offered to screen X-factor on the cinema sized TV in her lounge AND to provide me with delicious Mexican food as I watched it. I am lucky!

At the party there were several awesome acts including a woman who could swing about 20 hula hoops around her waist at one time, and looked fantastic in the leopard print catsuit she wore while doing so.

The highlight for me were the group of make up artists doing glitter art on the faces of guests. They were amazingly talented, painting peoples entire faces in some instances. I opted for silver and gold eyelids which I fell in love with. I think it adds a feminine and glamorous look to evening make up and would just love to learn to do this myself.

Catching up with an old friend

2009-09-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

I just indulged in my ultimate lazy weekend which kicked off with a very nasty hangover and finished with a Sunday night Swayze celebration in front of the new TV.

In between I cooked a favourite dish, walked around Queens Park, revisited The Godfather, ate several ham and cheese toasties and slept for a total of 24 hours.

The early days of Autumn have offered some wonderful weather so far and the weekend have me a chance to take out my mended camera for a long awaited session.

Changing seasons

2009-09-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

Some new purchases, and some old favourites. I am currently shopping my wardrobe following a big clear out, a lot of ebay selling and a very empty bank account. However I have managed a couple of purchases for autumn so no need to feel so sorry for me.

The brown boots were a bargain at M&S and the large silver/grey scarf is from Zara and is beautifully soft. The Zara high heels destroyed my feet while out on Thursday night but they are fabulously high and hugely flattering for a shorty like me.

The black boots at the top were bought at All Saints last year, but seeing the current trend for what I call "building site" boots I think I can get away with them this year too.

The three winter jackets I have had for a while, and I am particularly looking forward to sporting some colour as the days get darker in the bright yellow mac.

A new addition to the family

2009-09-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

I want to say a warm welcome to the new 41 inch, plasma screen television which has just been delivered to my flatmate and dear friend Elliott. He has kindly housed his new gadget in our living room much to my delight.

I can tell you now that I will be unavailable for social engagements for at least the next month.

Bag it up

2009-09-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

One of the most distinct memories I have of growing up, and beginning to notice the way different people dressed and the way they presented themselves, is of looking at the contents of people's bags.

This mainly applied to women and my mothers handbag was the first one I ever got to riflethrough. It was always a tip, full of old packets of chewing gum and year old receipts and she could never find anything. My mum was a very successful, hugely hardworking woman and I hold no judgement over the state of her handbag yet I have always wanted mine to be different. More organised and full of useful things to keep me occupied on journeys or to offer when a problem presents itself.

Above you will see my new, gorgeous Topshop bag. Black leather, perfectly sized, hangs over arm but also has a long strap for wearing across body. It is perfectly sized and shaped.

I have also pictured the contents of it; make up bag, sunglasses, Moleskine notebook, make up bag, pens, chewing gum, purse, umbrella, Clarins hand cream and little cosmetic case filled with sewing kit, plasters, blister pads and lip balms. It also contains my beloved iphone, headphones, 2 books and camera, not pictured.

To this day I still love to rummage through people's bag, see what they decide to carry around with them all day and the things they just cannot survive without.

Silver lining

2009-09-18T04:44:00.001-07:00

I am trying to find one today, because right about now everything is looking pretty gloomy!

It's just, a little...

2009-09-13T14:25:00.001-07:00

It is fair to say that I am prone to falling victim to all consuming and hard to shake crushes which see me revert to my teenage self in a matter of minutes.

And I mean a teenage crush in the truest sense i.e. I turn into a giggly girl simply at the suggestion of a person I have probably never met but rather have become infatuated with the idea of.

As much as I'd like my crushes to be on cool, sophisticated, dangerous men that my peers have overlooked but in whom I have seen something unique and magical the reality is rather different.

It began at 13 when my best friend Jo and I queued up with a thousand other teenage girls in our home town to watch the first screening of Titanic. We cried for the duration, immediately booked in to see it the following evening and went straight from the cinema to HMV where we bought the largest Leo and Kate posters we could find.

The next day in our French class I produced a crumpled list from my pocket. "Ok" I whispered, "I have not been able to think about anything else for the last 12 hours except how wonderful Leonardo is, and I have made a fairly detailed list of the reasons he is so exceptional".

I turned to Jo, and as I did so I saw her retrieve a crumpled and detailed list from the bottom of her bag. Our friendship was sealed in that moment.

Since then my crushes have included Michael Franti (I emailed his tour manager begging for a job on the tour and pledging my slave like worth ethic, no reply), Jean-Marc Barr (all because of the Big Blue and those shoulders) and Dizzee Rascal (I'm currently in the grips of this one).

I must admit that my crushes can focus just as much on an actor or performer as they can on an entirely fictional character. In fact when I re-visited my Leo list I remember it revolved entirely around the character of Jack Dawson (and for the sake of full disclosure I just googled the character and my stomach flipped - natch).

Being the tv addict that I am my list also includes many of television's leading men including Buffys' Angel, Simon in Teachers, Pacey Witter and my beloved Drazic.

Despite being 25 and old enough to know better my ability to crush hard doesn't appear to be waivering. In fact if anything it has got worse, which gets me (finally) to the point of this email....

True Blood's Bill...a list has been written and a crush is born:

The way he says Sookie...see here (so amused this exists)
His tragic backstory
That he did a talk to Sookies' grannys history group, and enjoyed it
The fact that he killed the man who abused her, just quickly and quietly. no muss, no fuss.
Bill and Sookie are together in real life

I could go on, but I'm getting embarassed. Can we make this a confessional, any other "grown ups" fall this hard?

Rimini trip

2009-09-13T12:05:00.001-07:00

I still have so much to write about our Italian holiday and have been so slow at putting up pictures. Here are my favourite of those I haven't posted.

Brief synopsis of trip:

Destination - Rimini on the Eastern coast of Italy

Detail - 2 weeks, 3 days of grey skies and cold, 11 days 30°c +

Resided - Camera e Caffe which I can honestly say was one of the most comfortable and welcoming places I've stayed and such good value for money.

Day trips - Bologna, Ravenna and Cattolica

Books read - Ghostwritten by David Mitchell (not that one) and The Book of Dave by Will Self (the first one is incredible, the second also good but a little indulgent)

Rimini is utterly lovely. A bit like Center Parcs on sea, which sounds horrible I am sure but in practice means it is completely family friendly, totally relaxing, constantly busy after about 9pm (although you may be surprised by the quiet before then and the sporadic opening hours in the town centre) and full of interesting characters..

There is 15K of beach, and our glorious B&B was just a 1 minute walk from the shore. The historic centre of the town is lively, has several fantastic restaurants and there are some great shops dotted around the town.

The Tiberius bridge was most exciting to me more for the glorious restaurants that surrounded it than for the history it is steeped in. But it is oddly thrilling to run your hand against something that was built in 14 A.D

We did have the most incredible dining experience of our life which I owe a whole post to. It was a meal I will never forget as much for the kindness of our hosts as for the food which still now, as I sit at home on a Sunday evening weeks later, makes my mouth water.

Downtime

2009-09-12T06:14:00.000-07:00

My beloved camera is currently at the repair shop being worked on. She is only 6 months old and I am trying to get over my annoyance and disappointment. Tomorrow is Queens Park day where I was planning on getting extremely snap happy.

As such I have been trawling my photo library and until I get her back will make do with the selection of pictures from the last few weeks. I hope she isn't gone too long because the light at the moment is amazing.

The last picture is of the most amazing mozzarella, avocado, roast vegetable and sun dried tomato salad I ate at Chamomile on England's Lane.

Today is the first day I have spent on my own in several weeks. I am immensely enjoying being able to indulge in all my guilty pleasures (also known as secret single behaviour) including:

Still being in my pyjamas at 2:30pm
Drinking real and very strong coffee as if it were water
Listening to the new Whitney and Leona singles on repeat
Meals including melted cheese and tomato puree on toast and yogurt with cinnamon crunchies (previously Cinnamon Grahams, thank you Z for re-connecting me with this pleasure!)
Creating inspiration boards for both my new haircut and my first tattoo (hello dad!?)
Watching Holiday Airport, Come Dine With Me and Holiday Showdown.

Shameful

Up, up and away

2009-09-12T04:43:00.000-07:00

The autumn days bring with them conkers, chunky jumpers, fireside gatherings, hot chocolate and kite flying. Hence I can't be too sad about saying farewell to summer.

Sweet London

2009-08-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Quite pleased with how this picture of the Coliseum taken late night a few weeks ago came out. I was headed towards the fourth plinth at the time to see a woman parading about on a toy horse (I didn't know this before I got there...and if I had may have resisted my detour)

Must remember to take more pictures of the classic London buildings which I resist doing as so many beautiful images are in existence. But they are not mine, and I admit it is quite nice to have an image all of my own.

Simple weeknight dinner: Bulgur, feta and chicken bake

2009-08-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been fairly unimaginative when it comes to preparing my post work meal. On the nights that I am not out and about I like to use my evenings at home as a chance to recharge, get on top of cleaning chores and reading (woe is me!) and to have an early night and a very early meal.

I have always tried to avoid eating late so a meal that takes less than 45 minutes is always a winner. Living sans boyfriend means when I am eating alone I like something with minimal use of pots and pans to reduce cleaning times (I immensely dislike washing up, although Nigel Slater does a wonderful job of persuading me otherwise on the last page of Appetite).

This very simple dish has been my go to for the last month or so, being light enough that it doesn't feel too much on a rare sunny evening but still giving you the satisfaction of a proper evening meal.

Bulgur, feta and chicken bake

Serves 1

1 chicken breast

1 serving bulgur wheat (I use a 3/4 mug of dried bulgur)

Handful of feta (to taste)

Spring onion

2 lemons

Optional additions: grilled cherry tomatoes or roasted butternut squash.

Place chicken in dish and cover in 2 tsp of olive oil, juice of lemon and seasoning.

Cover dish with tin foil and place in oven at gas mark 7 for 45 minutes (turn over at 25 minutes).

While chicken is cooking cook bulgur wheat and then drain.

Put bulgur wheat in serving bowl and add olive oil, squeeze of lemon and chopped spring onions.

When chicken is cooked cut into medium slices and add to bulgur.

Add feta.

Serve with large glass of chilled white wine.

The Famous Danny the Dog

2009-08-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

One of the highlights of the last week in Devon was spending time with the gorgeous Daniel the Spaniel. I wanted share some pictures I took in a peaceful day on Slapton sands beach.

Danny loves to swim, he can swim along in the sea for miles and miles and he is also pretty strong which means he will tackle the lively waters of our local rivers. On this day he pestered mum and I to throw stones into the water for him to catch and then paddled along happily only looking over to shore to check we were keeping up with him as we walked along.

If you look carefully in picture 2 you might spot the Red Arrows sweeping past in the sky.

Electric love

2009-08-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

While on holiday we would while away the late afternoon reading books, drinking ice cold beer and intermittently tuning in to MTV Italy on our hotel room telly.

They had this 1 minute insert called crispy news, a quick look at the celebrity news. The news was often out of date and it really did push the definition of "news" to its loosest interpretation. Examples include Zac Efron gelling his hair to the left today, Jennifer Lopez busy looking after her twins, and so it continued...

Nonetheless for a gossip fan such as myself I enjoyed these regular updates, however old.

There was only one that I have brought home with me, an old quote from Johnny Depp talking about how he fell for Vanessa Paradis. It is a beautiful quote, one that speaks of the sort of love at first sight that movies are made of. Which is perfectly fitting I suppose.

"We met briefly years ago. I remember thinking, "Ouch." It was just hello, but the contact was electric. That was in 1993. It wasn't until 1998, when I went to do the Polanski film The Ninth Gate and was in the lobby of the hotel, getting messages. I turned around and across the lobby saw this back. She had on a dress with an exposed back. I thought, "Wow." Suddenly the back turned and she looked at me. I walked right over, and there were those eyes again. I knew it was her. She asked, "Do you remember me?" I said, "Oh yeah." We had a drink, and it was over with at that point. I knew I was in big trouble. "

Wallowing

2009-08-22T05:44:00.001-07:00

As one of the most appalling weeks of my working life draws to a close I lie swaddled in blankets having been hit by a very aggressive cold.

It is so tempting to say flu, isn't it, a cold just sounds so measly and pathetic yet I won't give in to my tendencies for hypochondria simply as I don't want my beloved friends staying away from me for fear of contracting swine flu.

I thought I'd put the holiday snaps up here in an attempt to remind myself that every week won't be this way.

Regular posting will resume shortly.

Silence

2009-07-29T02:00:00.001-07:00

Apologies for my post-holiday silence, but I have been hit with a serious bout of the blues. To revert to my most British self WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS WEATHER?

I have spent the last few days planning my escape to a French gite, desperately moisturising four times a day in a failing attempt to maintain my tan and being sharply reminded on an hourly basis of the joys of office politics.

Today I want to use my little patch of internet space to direct you to this eloquent and impassioned piece written by Tania Kindersley. The contrast between the life I lead, worrying about tans and office tantrums, and the one of these women do sometimes shames me. I know that shouldn't be the case, instead I just need to keep talking about these things.

The cause of the women of the Congo is one that desperately needs support. Of course there are many others that do also but, as Tania says, for some reason these women seem to be forgotten - perhaps the horror of what they have been through and are still going through is too awful to bear. I know I have been guilty of turning the page when reading about the brutality and barbaric treatment of these women.

This morning the Today programme featured the story of Zawadi who regular listeners first heard of last year. This is a woman whose entire family, but for one daughter, were murdered in front of her eyes. A woman who was repeatedly gang raped. A woman who was forced to murder her own baby. Today programme listeners have donated a total of £5k and Zawadi, along with 16 other women, have been given the medical treatment needed to allow them to live in some kind of comfort following the trauma they have been through. The piece this morning just reminded me how important it is we keep giving, and that just a little money can mean the difference between a life destroyed forever by the most horrifying and humilating experience or one that can mean a future with some sort of hope for these women.

I am not asking you to give, just to read the piece Tania. But of course if you want to give here is how:

Taken from BBC Today Programme Website
Below are a list of charities who work in Congo and deal with survivors of sexual violence. Any contributions to these charities would be greatly appreciated.

CARE International
CARE International supports women’s organisations and village leaders in the Democratic Republic of Congo, to develop strategies for ending violence against women.
CARE International10-13 Rushworth StreetLondon SE1 0RB
Donate: www.careinternational.org.uk/donate
Web: http://www.careinternational.org.uk/

Christian Relief NetworkCRN deals regularly with the Panzi Hospital CRN, Christian Relief Network
Tel: (+47) 22 01 07 00
Email: info@crn.no

Medecins Sans Frontieres
Working in the eastern Congo, treating victims of sexual violence and providing healthcare for displaced people.
67-74 Saffron Hill
London
EC1N 8QX
Tel: 02074046600
Email marie.smith@london.msf.org
Web: www.msf.org/unitedkingdom/

Merlin 2008
Merlin has a project in the Democratic Republic of Congo that helps the many victims of sexual violence there.
Registered charity 1016607
12th Floor, 207 Old Street, London EC1V 9NR
Tel: 0207 014 1712
Email: supporter@merlin.org.uk or kathryn.brooke@merlin.org.uk
Web: http://www.merlin.org.uk/

OXFAM
Public enquiries (re donations etc) Tel: 0870 410 5025
Email enquiries@oxfam.org.uk

The Panzi Hospital (for Victims of Sexual Violence)
8th Community of Pentecostal Churches in Central Africa (CEPAC)
Medical Department. GENERAL REFERRAL HOSPITAL OF PANZI, PO Box: 266 BUKAVU South Kivu Province,Democratic Republic of Congo
Website: http://www.panzihospitalbukavu.org/

Save the Children
Save the Children runs a huge programme in the east of Democratic Republic of Congo, concentrating on the reuniting and rehabilitation of ex-child soldiers, support for children who have been victims of sexual violence and helping out-of-school children get an education.
Tel: 020 7012 6400
Web: http://www.savethechildren.org.uk/

UNICEFHelpline and Appeals
Tel: 0870 606 3377

WorldshareWorldShare is UK partner for HEAL Africa, the medical project in Goma.
Web site: http://www.worldshare.org.uk/

No stabilisers here

2009-07-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Rimini is like Center Parcs-on-sea in that every where you look there are bikes with babies and toddlers riding alongside their parents. Bikes certainly rule the roads, and it is so wonderful to be in a city where new borns whizz past you as you enjoy a drink on the square.

In the air

2009-07-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

I don't like it up there at all, and our trip home was horribly turbulent, but I do love to take pictures in the sky.

Home

2009-07-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am back from my 2 long and most glorious weeks in Rimini. Lots to talk about including the most delicious meal I have eaten in my life, a few holiday rules I have decided on and a review of the wonderful place we stayed.

For now I am glad to be home and looking forward to enjoying the weekend, and my extra Friday off.

Book worm

2009-07-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr/Mrs Borders,

I love book stores. The smell, the feel, the soul of the place. I can spend hours in there, and as such I buy most of my books in one of your shops.

And that is despite the fact that I could get them online for literally 1/4 of the price. You MUST know that. Despite your Buy 1 Get 1 Free offers, I could save myself a large wad of cash by visiting Amazon or Ebay or any of the many, many online stores which sell second hand books,

So I will lay my receipt out for you now, just so you get the picture - and put in brackets what I could buy a new copy for online (and it hurts me to look this up, and find out what i could save).

The Book of Dave by Will Self = £7.99 (Amazon £4.34) saving approx. £3.50

The Qur'an, a translation by M.A.S Abdel Haleem = £7.99 (Amazon £4.79) saving approx £3.30

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood = £7.99 (Amazon £2.00) saving approx £5.99

Ghostwritten by David Mitchell = £7.99 (Amazon £2.90) saving approx £5.09

My Mum by Anthony Browne = £3.00 (Amazon £1.44) saving approx. £1.50

So my bill came to a grand total of £36.65, and that was before I ran back down the street to flag up the fact your shop had charged me £5 extra for one book and, with my Buy 1 get 1 half price offer, I walked away paying a grand total of £31.65.

The lady at the till tells me this happens often, the wrong prices flag up all the time and throw in the fact you didn't have one book I wanted (Backwards in high heels by Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine, as you ask) and most copies of the Qur'an were over £12...well it wasn't a great experience.

Next time I will probably go online. I will save myself about 40% per book after P&P and I am guaranteed to get what I want. But I want your shop to survive, so I write this letter to ask you to think more cannily, discount more effectively, get stock in (I was in the Oxford St store - your HQ!) and get a till system that works.

Thanks ever so,

A book shop lover

Bliss

2009-07-07T09:02:00.001-07:00

For some reason I cannot embed this video, but I beg you please to go and take a look at it.
The song is "I've got you and you've got me" originally by New Buffalo and remixed here by Broken Social Scene (one of my favourite bands).

I love both the song and the video. I hope you do too.

N.B Found at Now and Now and Now

Animal magic

2009-07-07T06:12:00.000-07:00

A little mid afternoon gorgeous for you all now, on my favourite theme of cross animal love.

I present, from the top, Anjana the two year old chimpanzee who played mother to two 23 day old white tiger cubs after they were separated from their mother.

Themba the orphaned baby elephant who found a best friend in Albert the sheep.

And finally below lies Shakira the wild cat, adopted in Germany by a family of dogs after her siblings perished.

Regular readers will know I find nothing more heart warming, tear inducing, mood lifting than the bond that can unexpectedly form between different species of animals.

I have all these images clipped to the pin board in my room, and am looking to expand my collection. Anyone come across any other great stories of inter species love? (Nothing too inappropriate please!)

This Product Will Change Your Life

2009-07-06T10:46:00.001-07:00

Just sitting at home tonight, enjoying the sun at the kitchen table and distracting myself from the not especially informative Michael Jackson doc on Channel 5.

I ran through the front door straight to the kitchen and whipped up a mean little bowl of guacamole for a pre-dinner snack. My pre-holiday diet has completely failed and I have (as expected) just gone the other way entirely.

As a distraction from the fridge, and some sad news I had today, I thought I would write a little list I have wanted to create for a while.

I have mentioned before I am a total cosmetic fiend, I even visit Superdrug and Boots as a pick me up when I'm feeling down. I love the packaging, the ever expanding options available and especially the elaborate and often fraudulent descriptions of how a product will change your life. I recycle and do try where possible (and affordable) to buy ethically. But I am aware some may see my love of lotions and potions as contributing to both global warming and our gluttonous consumerist society.

But I hope this, perhaps my greatest indulgence, can be forgiven and I want to share with you a few of the items which really do stand true to the promises the marketing magicians make.

Dr Hauschka Lemon Body Wash

A gorgeous sharp natural lemon scent and does wonders for any blemishes on the skin.

OPI An Affair In Red Square

A rich, shiny, deep red which feels both elegant and glamorous.

Clarins Hand & Nail Treatment Cream

A bit pricey, but truly a great hand cream. Absorbs well, smells great and strengthens nails. I also like Atrixo, particularly the scent.

La Roche-Posay Efflacar K

An incredible acne treatment fluid. I use it before bed, after cleansing and toning, and also in the morning. Is a great base for make up too. Added bonus that it was "recommended" to me by Natalia Vodianova (well, I read in Guardian she uses it before a big shoot).

Spiezia Facial Cleanser and Floral skin toner

I read about this brand on Miss Malcontent seeks Truth in Beauty, a most excellent blog written by a beauty editor. She promises to expose the truth about beauty products, both the good and the bad. I find this so refreshing, when I read magazines I get the distinct impression a lot of the positive reviews are based on (A) being sent a lot of freebies (B) a brand being one of the magazines' sponsors.

Not only did Miss Malcontent send me a lengthy and informative email when I asked for her advice on my skin complaints, she also recommended Spiezia products which (along with Saaf) have worked wonders on my skin. I barely get blemishes any longer (as discussed here), and the product has definitely reduced scarring and evened out my skin tone.

Kerastace Resistance Ciment Thermique

Put a walnut sized blob (I struggled to think how to illustrate that, could you tell?) of this on your hair after conditioning but before drying. It does make hair slicker and less frizzy after drying, and claims to protect hair when straightening (but how can you tell?)

So, that's my current list of favourites. I'd love to hear your recommendations.

One and other

2009-07-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

I am completely glued to the webcam showing footage of members of the public on the fourth plinth on Trafalgar Square.

Visit here to see what is happening now.

For those who don't know what I'm on about; the fourth plinth has been taken over by Anthony Gormley, a British sculptor who is famous for works including Angel of the North and the lonely men which took over Crosby beach (near Liverpool) and also spent a time on top of some of London's tallest buildings. Gormley has invited members of the public to spend an hour on the plinth over the next few months and people have applied in their thousands.

The webcam is clear as crystal, and it is addictive watching what each occupier of the plinth chooses to do. Nice to see so many have chosen to do something for charity (i.e. beg for money, release sponsored balloons etc) and it will be good to see other creative ways people choose to spend their fifteen (well, sixty) minutes of fame.

Preparing

2009-07-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

The past week and weekend has been spent preparing for my 2 week trip to Rimini. As such I have spent it:

Twittering the Rimini tourist board for a daily weather report (the BBC says rain for the next 5 days - not happy at all)
Purchasing excessive amount of sun cream (25 for day 1, 15 for first week and 10 for second week). So far I have spent £35 on sun cream. Perhaps someone should suggest to our Health Secretary that it may be advisable to subsidise the price of sun cream and as such decrease the colossal amount the NHS pay every year to treat those with skin cancer.
Spending a hot Sunday inside the Westfield centre buying sandals and satin shirts and white shorts with floral detail.
Catching up with friends I haven't seen for a while. This included: eating and drinking at Andrew Edmunds on Lexington St, getting snap happy as my friend danced the Lambada, having a delicious salad and wine from a Starbucks plastic cup in Queen's Park, sitting outside the Sun in Splendour in Notting Hill and drinking white wine spritzers.

I saw these 3 cats prowling outside a flat opposite mine as I stumbled home the other night. I love how their eyes glow as they watch me pass.

A quiet weekend

2009-06-28T03:03:00.000-07:00

So far this weekend has consisted of; muggy heat, recipe reading, lemonade, cooking new things, an enormous storm, catching up on sleep, having my favourite bag pummelled by hail stones (as I stupidly left my window open in the storm), cleaning, washing, ironing and replacing thick, heavy duvets with thin, cool sheets and a lot of dancing around the Michael Jackson songs in tribute to the great man.

We also had one of those amazing experiences you hope for in a city as big as London. Wandering through Liberty on Thursday evening we met two of the most charming and stylish Parisians. They ran a section of the shop where there are 3 large canisters, big enough to stand in, which are actually tunnels to sample perfume. The company is called Editions de Parfums, and my basic understanding is that they invited the top Perfumers in the world and asked them to make their dream perfume regardless of cost or restrictions or others peoples opinion or ideas. To sample the perfume they put a couple of spritzes in a canister and you put your head in, close your eyes and are giving a rundown of what you are smelling by one of the staff. They both have the most beautiful voices, and it is more pleasurable than I imagined being lulled into an almost hypnotised state by the dulcit tones of a beautiful Parisian man running you through what your senses are experiencing.

We spent a while talking to the store manager Peggy and her colleague and got a recommendation for a place in Soho we had never heard of. Unbelievable for us all knowing Londoners. The place is called Bob Bob Ricard and in a strange coincidence Susie Bubble also mentioned it on her blog yesterday. Apparently it is wonderfully French, and it was recommended as somewhere to go to wile away a few hours without the pressure to drink. Both of them commented on how shocked they were to come to London and realise there really were not many places you could go in the evening in London where drinking was not the main activity. I agree with them, and I am looking forward to visiting Bob Bob Ricard soon.

PCOS

2009-06-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

I am going to do some sharing today.

Or as they call it in my horrible, corporate office where every single word is given a complicated and uninterpretable label (talking and brainstorming = Strategic Thinking, going to the pub = Relationship Building) I am going to do some Knowledge Transfer.

I have a condition called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (I wonder why it isn't called POS) and in the interest of using the internet for good not evil, and to give anyone else who has just learned they have PCOS an understanding of what it actually means, I am going to tell you what I know about it in my own words rather than Doctor speak.

PCOS apparently affects 5% of women, you will hear lots of other stats but this is the one I have seen regularly used.

I found out I had it when, at 25, I started bombarding my Doctor about cures for my extremely hormonal skin. I had terrible jawline acne, which is known to be hormonal, and after a prescription of Zineryt (which did a great job of getting rid of a really bad bout) I was sent for an ultrasound "just in case". One of the symptoms of PCOS is very bad acne which far outlasts the normal teenage spots most girls get.

As a result of these skins problems I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of skin products, from high street to high end, and I will share my thoughts on this another time.

At the point of my ultrasound I was fully stocked up on knowledge of what this condition was, which celebrities have it (Victoria Beckham, Louise Redknapp and Jules Oliver) and what it could mean for me.

I didn't feel particularly nervous during the wait between ultrasound and results, and when it was confirmed I had PCOS I recall my first feeling being relief to have an explanation for why my skin had been so bad.

I was immediately put on a different pill (Yasmin) and I started taking B vitamins which were recommended in the book I bought (The Ultimate PCOS Handbook). I am not sure which ones did it, but my skin is now far improved. By no means perfect, but I rarely get breakouts in the aggressive way I did.

I also learned that PCOS sufferers are often obese or overweight, which I am not, and that they find it harder to lose weight than others, which I do. A GI diet is recommended, because it keeps your blood sugar level constant and reduces insulin production. "High insulin is a problem for women with PCOS, because insulin profoundly alters overall hormone balance, and causes your metabolism to go awry." obese Taken from here.

I have done the GI diet (or lifestyle programme as I think they call it) before and would certainly recommend it. Foods are rated by a traffic light system of red for BAD STAY AWAY, amber for Ok But Not Too Much and green for ALL YOU CAN EAT.

You can eat a lot of food (most vegetables are green light), can replace a lot of the bad stuff for good i.e. switching potatoes for sweet potatoes and white bread for wholemeal, and it does actually work.

I was told by my Doctor that they couldn't know how it would affect my fertility and I suspect it is the same for most people.

For some reason I don't feel worried which I know is dangerous to say aloud. I hope my warped mind isn't under the impression that just because the famous PCOS sufferers who I mentioned earlier have all had babies I will be able to, but I suspect it may be!

All the Doctor did say is that I should start thinking about conceiving sooner rather than later, which when I think of it now does scare me a little. I can't even see myself thinking about it until at least 30, the age my mother was when she even began to entertain the idea. The thought that I might need to get going (as it were) sooner, just in case, is not one that fills me with joy. Despite my happy relationship I do feel I would be acting out of fear I may not be able to conceive rather than desire to do so at the time.

PCOS is hereditary and I suspect my Auntie may also be a sufferer; she had the same symptoms as a young woman and has since battled with her weight. I imagine that 30 years ago they didn't even test for it, or perhaps it wasn't even widely known, but it is sad that she wasn't kitted with the same knowledge that I now am and therefore couldn't do so much about it.

I have read lots of quotes from women saying that PCOS takes away your feeling of femininity. I know some sufferers have excess facial hair, are obese, suffer terribly with acne and with the added question mark over whether you are fertile...well it is understandable that sufferers feel this way. For me I found it liberating, simply because I now know what my body needs me to do to keep it how I want it. So many women live trying this diet and that, struggling with different treatments for skin complaints and battling with weird and wonderful "miracle cures" for their personal body challenges.

As a PCOS sufferer at least I am able to turn away from the bombardment of products and quick fixes marketed to me every day. I now know what works for my skin (Yasmin Pill, B Complex vitamins, 2l water every day and a very simple beauty regime of Saaf cleanser and serum). I know how to lose weight (actually doing it is a different matter) and I know there is a reason for the peaks and troughs in my moods.

I may well be lucky because I don't have a lot of the symptoms I just mentioned, but equally I know they could be there, hovering behind me and waiting to pounce. In some ways that keeps me eating as well as I can and looking after myself a bit better than I otherwise might.

I hope some of this information was useful to you, any questions I will do my best to answer. I know there is a support group in London that I have the details of (although I have never been) and I am more than happy to share any other information I have found.

Trick of the light

2009-06-23T11:55:00.001-07:00

Of late my eyes have been cast upwards, endlessly hoping for the sun to pop out from behind her thick blanket of clouds. Today, a glorious London day, I was stuck inside with just a window at my left to taunt me as to the beauty of the weather outside. But still, I would far rather the sun had her hat on even if I am stuck indoors.

The longest day on Sunday got me thinking about light, as a budding photographer it is something I give far too much thought to. My favourite images are so often those clean, white shots with just simple day light creating the most natural and gentle effect on the shot. This evening I took a look through my own photos and picked out those which I especially love for the effect of the light on the way they have come out. I know I have a long way to go, and professionals may well say the light in these are all wrong but for me, for now, they are just right.

Snaps of: Edinburgh, Brighton, Whitecross St in London and Queens Park.

Blue

2009-06-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it"

Without swooping into melancholy self-analysis, which I am prone to do, the statement above pretty much sums up how I have felt over the last few weeks.

I have tried doing all the things I can generally rely on to snap me out of it; exercise, reading, looking at pictures of sheep who love elephants, spending hours shopping and necking a lot of booze (thus ending my month off alcohol pre-holiday). Even her arrival hasn't helped as much as anticipated.

None of these have worked, and I have simply succeeded in pushing a lot of people away and getting wound up by those I love the most. But then they are the ones I turn to for help, and with that choice to reach out to people you are suddenly expecting them to know just how to react.

Anyway, I am still trying to pull myself out from this dark cloud of mine. Today the plan includes:

Amusing myself with the battle between Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am on Twitter. Allegedly, (and I use that word for I am a blogger who operates within the law despite my personal distractions) Perez was attacked by Will.I.Am and his "crew" in Canada. Perez decided to take to Twitter to seek protection, and then followed a stream of panicked messages along the line of "get police" "i am scared" "this is where i am, help me". Will.I.Am has now set up his own Twitter account, posted a video denying the accusations and the battle wages on. Gosh...

Seeing my gorgeous friend Katy, eating vegetarian loveliness from Food for Thought and making some plans.

Sorting out the overflowing cupboards in my bedroom including ebaying a load of clothes and finding a nifty storage solution for both my pyjamas and (excess of) "casual wear" - I think this might be known as sweats in the States. Admittedly this will be neither enjoyable or relaxing but I hope the end result will satiate my inner Martha Stewart.

Hello, Love

2009-06-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

Oh I know, I know, I will never be happy if I put so much emotional value onto items and clothes and phones and new MAC BOOK PROS. But so what, because I have a MAC BOOK PRO, and I bought it all by myself with my hard earned money. And yes I might soon be jobless and penniless and miserable but I will always have her, and so everything will be alright.

And yes I hate the overuse of capitals, and exclamation marks while we're at it, but today - just today - it is ok.

The first of many...

2009-06-17T01:48:00.000-07:00

As you well know, nothing makes me happier than interspecies love between animals. So it was with much joy that I found these pictures today over at What possessed me.

Happy Wednesday...The Jesusita Fire in Santa Barbara, CA last week caused these two to take shelter together. The fawn is 3 days old and the bobcat about 3 weeks. The fawn came from somewhere in the fire and the bobcat from Carpentaria. They immediately bonded and snuggled together under a desk in the Santa Barbara County Dispatch Office for several hours.

Letter to an idol

2009-06-16T01:49:00.000-07:00

Dearest, darling Britney,

Ten years ago, summer 1999, I was a 15 year old hormonal, moody, achingly unconfident girl lusting after an arrogant, self involved moron who I spent my evenings MSN'ing and my school days ignorning.

Said self involved moron, let's call him Tom, also happened to have a girlfriend and absolutely no respect for the boundaries of a relationship.

We had engaged in moments of awkward fumbling at, say, the back of Millenium night club hidden away from our friends and then returning to them, flustered and secretive, to avoid each others eyes for the rest of the night. At 15 I too had no respect for the boundaries of a relationship, something I am not proud of.

The reason I tell you all this Brit Brit is that it was you, and you alone, who got me through. It was early summer, a decade ago, when I sat in the back of my mum's car on a return trip from Bristol and listened to one of your most deep and emotionally astute songs, Email my Heart, on repeat for 3 hours solid. You sang of sitting by the computer, waiting for your scorned lover to connect with you via the relatively new communication tool of email, while begging his forgiveness.

I could connect with you Britney, we were young, single women hoping for love and "the one" and turning to the web to make it happen. Long before My Single Friend and Guardian Soulmates, we knew where it was at.

I digress, for it wasn't just that one song which I was addicted to. I loved you Britney, your amazing body in "I'm a slave for you", your coy sarcasm in "Oops I did it again", I even risked getting ostracised and quite violently condemned by my peers my defending your performance in Crossroads. Britney...I was yours.

And so it was that last Saturday I pulled on my heels, well ok flip flips (but the tube was down and I had to haul over to Waterloo and get the boat), glossed my hair, rouged my lips and spent a sunny day listening to your back catalogue on loop inside my bedroom. All in celebration of the first time I have been lucky enough to get to see you perform.

I loved the New York Circus Brit, particularly the hula hoop girl and the acrobat who did somersaults in the air and landed on the beam held in the air. Quite incredible. I also loved your dancers, the dance medley where they all had a slot to do their own freestyle dance was utterly incredible, they were all so talented and made me want to jump up and dance with them.

But Britney, it kills me to say it, that was the only thing I liked.

You seemed lifeless, like you were going through the motions. I knew you were going to mime, and didn't care one bit (I hope you don't mind me saying but I didn't come for the singing), but the fact that you were not even allowed to speak to the audience apart from the token "Hello London" and "cheer Louder", it was painful. It was like you were not trusted to speak to and engage with your audience.

You didn't even seem to want to dance. At one stage I watched a dancer next to you, a professional I know and doubtless just 20 year old with no kids, but still you are a fantastic dancer and it was as if you couldn't be bothered to move.

The layout of the venue, with a large circular stage in the middle and 2 smaller circles on either side, meant that a lot of the time you were simply walking from one end to the other to make sure everyone got a piece of you. The stage was surrounded by about 200 VIP's who stood around it to give the effect of a Circus, but it meant that those who had paid and who were seated in the normal seats felt the show wasn't really for us at all.

Why were there no screens? We were in a high tier and could barely see you and this simply added to the feeling that our viewing pleasure hadn't been considered. We spent the entire show leaning forward and squinting to make out your glittery costume, how you'd done your make up and what shade of blonde you are now. We wanted details Brit Brit, and all we got was a blurred glimpse at someone who seemed a shadow of her former self.

And I know you are. All we kept saying was "poor Brit". Why are you already back on stage so soon after such a severe breakdown? Because of us, I suppose is the answer, because we were willing to come out in our thousands to see you.

It felt wrong to watch you and although as we came out we heard girls around us braying about how excellent you were, there was a little nagging question mark over their praise about why you weren't allowed, as it seemed, to engage with us.

I suppose I would now be classed as an older fan Brit, and one who has loved you unconditionally through it all. I would like to be allowed to be right by the stage like a VIP, in terms of your career success I suppose I am. My friend Katy and I, who bought every album and know every lyric and sent numerous texts to one another in alarm as you broke down in front of our eyes, we are your VIP's.

We would stand by the stage and by a trick of the light, just like a circus act, we would make you disappear. We would whisk you away for another year or two or twenty, whatever you need. 2 kids, 6 albums, 7 tours, a Justin and a KFed. Since I was in that car, listening to Email my heart, I have had 3 boyfriends, 3 unsatisfying jobs and that is about it! You have given enough of yourself for now Brit Brit, take a little time.

Leave those weird hangers on and take off the glitter and eyelashes and smile and hang with your children and eat some popcorn and watch crap movies. We can gossip about Tom and KFed and leave the show behind, just for a little bit longer.

Love,
Me

Notes on a weekend

2009-06-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

I sometimes get talked into thinking I miss out by not living in East London, where I work and where a lot of friends live. But for all it has in trendy hangouts and all night drinking holes, for me it will never compare to West London by day. I have lived west for 5 years now, and this weekend I visited my favourite places in the area. Goldbourne Road (not to be confused with Goldhawk Rd. near Hammersmith) down to Portobello Road and then up to Notting Hill provided a feast of market delights.

If you are visiting Portobello I urge you to make the walk up to Goldbourne Road where you will find a less busy but just as vibrant street crowded with food stalls, and can enjoy a grat view of the iconic Trellick Tower.

I also ventured down to the Westfield Centre today to discuss my new Macbook purchase and walked home via Holland Park where I bought a pair of new flipflops which have since destroyed my feet, and found the most gorgeous dog who'd flattened his body onto the path through the park and was oblivious to the meandering footsteps of the Londoners passing him.